/********************************/
/* Created by Robert King		*/
/* robert@area51.org.uk			*/
/********************************/
/* COPYRIGHT NOTICE				*/
/* Copyright © 2000 Robert King */
/* All Rights Reserved.			*/
/********************************/
q = new Array()
q[0]="The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it."
q[1]="War is regarded as nothing but the continuation of politics by other means."
q[2]="It takes twenty years or more of peace to make a man; it takes only twenty seconds of war to destroy him."
q[3]="All men think all men mortal, but themselves."
q[4]="The shortest answer is doing."
q[5]="To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming."
q[6]="When the sword of rebellion is drawn, the sheath should be thrown away."
q[7]="The mob has many heads but no brains."
q[8]="Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them."
q[9]="The nail that sticks up will be hammered down."
q[10]="There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same."
q[11]="I dream, therefore I exist."
q[12]="Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer."
q[13]="He who sleeps half a day has won half a life."
q[14]="While the doctors consult, the patient dies."
q[15]="Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight."
q[16]="Flattery makes friends and truth makes enemies."
q[17]="Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
q[18]="Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes."
q[19]="My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
q[20]="If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway."
q[21]="The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in."
q[22]="If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
q[23]="It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious."
q[24]="Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..."
q[25]="Every solution breeds new problems."
q[26]="As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."
q[27]="Two wrongs are only the beginning."
q[28]="All computers wait at the same speed."
q[29]="DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors."
q[30]="Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view."
q[31]="2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
q[32]="Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead."
q[33]="Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best."
q[34]="There is hope from the sea, but none from the grave."
q[35]="When the apple is ripe it will fall."
q[36]="Life is a bridge. Cross over it, but build no house on it."
q[37]="Boys never grow up, their toys just get more expensive!"
q[38]="If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then."
q[39]="Boys never grow up, their toys just get more dangerous!"
q[40]="Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."
q[41]="If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
q[42]="Nature always sides with the hidden flaw."
q[43]="Nothing is as easy as it looks."
q[44]="Everything takes longer than you think."
q[45]="Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first."
q[46]="Every solution breeds new problems."
q[47]="Trust everybody ... then cut the cards."
q[48]="Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget."
q[49]="Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view."
q[50]="Mother nature is a bitch."
q[51]="If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
q[52]="To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles."
q[53]="I don't want the world.  I just want your half."
q[54]="I could never sleep my way to the top, cause my alarm clock always wakes me right up."
q[55]="Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
q[56]="We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse."
q[57]="Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand."
q[58]="Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
q[59]="I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"
q[60]="He who laughs last thinks slowest!"
q[61]="Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
q[62]="Save the whales, collect the whole set"
q[63]="A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries."
q[64]="Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
q[65]="There's too much blood in my caffeine system."
q[66]="Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity."
q[67]="Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now."
q[68]="Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
q[69]="I wont rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it."
q[70]="Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I."
q[71]="Double your drive space - delete Windows!"
q[72]="What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?"
q[73]="If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic."
q[74]="Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
q[75]="Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
q[76]="Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector."
q[77]="I used to have a handle on life, then it broke."
q[78]="Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive."
q[79]="I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it."
q[80]="A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
q[81]="Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot."
q[82]="The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
q[83]="640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81"
q[84]="Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?"
q[85]="Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs."
q[86]="I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar."
q[87]="We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
q[88]="All generalizations are false, including this one."
q[89]="Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
q[90]="73% of all statistics are made up"
q[91]="A man needs a good memory after he has lied."
q[92]="COINCIDENCE happens."
q[93]="Careful.  We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin"
q[94]="Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery."
q[95]="Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
q[96]="Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?"
q[97]="It's amazing what you can do when your wife puts your mind to it."
q[98]="It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it."
q[99]="Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."
q[100]="Anything not nailed down is mine. (Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down)"
q[101]="Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply."
q[102]="All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."
q[103]="A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
q[104]="Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!"
q[104]="Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?"
q[106]="Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."
q[107]="Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
q[108]="Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms!"
q[109]="Smith & Wesson:  The original point and click interface."
q[110]="Looking down the barrel of another day"
q[111]="Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
q[112]="War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left."
q[113]="Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
q[114]="Your job is still better than asking You want fries with that?"
q[115]="The reason we can't take it with us is because it goes before we do!"
q[116]="An optimist is a person who doesn't understand the enormity of the problem."
q[117]="If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"
q[118]="Looking up at the stars in the sky one night I thought to myself, Where's the ceiling?!"
q[119]="I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."
q[120]="Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue."
q[121]="Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
q[122]="Our architect's plans for plant renovation begin with a precision air strike."
q[123]="You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi."
q[124]="\"Energize!\" said Riker, and a pink bunny appeared!."
q[125]="Live long and...*sputter* *cough* *hack* *wheeze*...."
q[126]="[bits of ice striking hull] \"Captain, we're being hailed.\""
q[127]="\"Scotty, beam me aboard!\"<BR>\"Aye, sir. Will a 2x4 do?\""
q[128]="Ensign Expendable, step on that rock!."
q[129]="It's Ensign Pillsbury...He's bread, Jim."
q[130]="A hypothetical paradox: What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?"
q[131]="How come the AT&T symbol looks like the Death Star?"
q[132]="The nuclear missile has made one great contribution to democracy: with it, all men are cremated equal."
q[133]="Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
q[134]="I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming.... They don't know I'm only using blanks."
q[135]="But ossifer, I have no blood in my alcohol system!"
q[136]="Beer makes the world go 'round... (and 'round, and 'round...)."
q[137]="Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
q[138]="You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
q[139]="Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol...."
q[140]="Maths and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive."
q[141]="BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)"
q[142]="If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic."
q[143]="When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself."
q[144]="We may be lost, but we're sure making good time."
q[145]="Blow your mind: smoke gunpowder."
q[146]="Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most."
q[147]="I didn't lose my mind; it's here somewhere."
q[148]="I doubt, therefore I might be."
q[149]="Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys."
q[150]="These ferocious cannibals captured a poor missionary. He gave them their first taste of religion."
q[151]="668: The Neighbor of the Beast."
q[152]="The worst thing about censorship is XXXXXXXXX."
q[153]="In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
q[154]="A fine is a tax for having done wrong. A tax is a fine for having done well."
q[155]="Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
q[156]="Why do they call it rush hour when it takes so long to get somewhere?"
q[157]="I had to stop driving my car for a while. The tires got dizzy."
q[158]="Wanna get really stoned? Drink wet cement."
q[159]="English is a language in which double negatives are a no-no."
q[160]="No generalization is true -- not even this one."
q[161]="[Warning on knife:] Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children."
q[162]="If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing."
q[163]="There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to."
q[164]="You live and you learn -- or you don't live long."
q[165]="A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand."
q[166]="People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses."
q[167]="Remember that two wrongs do not make a right. But three lefts do."
q[168]="All things are possible."
q[169]="The Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules."
q[170]="When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
q[171]="Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat."
q[172]="Dolly Parton is a silicone-based lifeform."
q[173]="Tonight's forecast: dark. Lighter by morning."
q[174]="There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
q[175]="I have a very firm grip on reality; I can strangle it anytime I want to."
q[176]="If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am."
q[177]="Are the noises in my head bothering you?"
q[178]="Since we're all here, we must not be all there."
q[179]="I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages."
q[180]="It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me."
q[181]="You're twisted and sick; I like that in a person!"
q[182]="Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal."
q[183]="The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time."
q[184]="The new thieves' motto: \"If at first you don't succeed, try, try a gun.\""
q[185]="How does Teflon stick to pans?"
q[186]="What's another word for 'thesaurus'?"
q[187]="How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
q[188]="Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you."
q[189]="We're a non-profit organization -- we don't mean to be, but we are."
q[190]="Even worse than raining cats and dogs is hailing taxis."
q[191]="Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your sheets."
q[192]="I had a cat once -- tasted kinda like chicken."
q[193]="I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying."
q[194]="Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."
q[195]="Never mind what my dreams mean, doc, just get me their phone numbers."
q[196]="Since I've used up my sick leave, I'm calling in dead."
q[197]="Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
q[198]="Help you out? Certainly. Which way did you come in?"
q[199]="All that's well ends."
q[200]="Blessed are the pessimists for they hath made backups."
q[201]="Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticise them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes."
q[202]="Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"
q[203]="Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security."
q[204]="Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them."
q[205]="Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity."
q[206]="A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat."
q[207]="If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation."
q[208]="If at first you don't succeed, try management."
q[209]="Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether."
q[210]="TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself."
q[211]="The beatings will continue until morale improves."
q[212]="We waste time, so you don't have to."
q[213]="Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker."
q[214]="INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY."
q[215]="Succeed in spite of management."
q[216]="Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment."
q[217]="Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore."
q[218]="Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance."
q[219]="Duct tape is like the Force, It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
q[220]="Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, dance like nobodys watching."
q[221]="Black holes are where God divied by 0."
q[222]="Forwards is fastest, by sideways is more fun :o)"
q[223]="If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably havent understood the seriousness of the situation."
q[224]="Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow."
q[225]="If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you\'re trying to get them sacked."
q[226]="If at first you don\'t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried."
q[227]="You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back."
q[228]="Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do."
q[229]="Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk."
q[230]="If you\'re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast."
q[231]="Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination."
q[232]="I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work."
q[233]="Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"
q[234]="I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow\'s not looking good either."
q[235]="My reality check bounced."
q[236]="I don\'t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."
q[237]="Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."
q[238]="Someday we\'ll look back on this and plow into a parked car."
q[239]="Tell me what you need, and I\'ll tell you how to get along without it."
q[240]="Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn\'t there the first time, chances are you won\'t be needing him again."
q[241]="On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key."
q[242]="I don\'t suffer from stress. I am a carrier."
q[243]="Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
q[244]="Everybody is somebody else\'s weirdo."
q[245]="A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt."
q[246]="Don\'t be irreplaceable - if you can\'t be replaced, you can\'t be promoted."
q[247]="The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get."
q[248]="Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day."
q[249]="If at first you don\'t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
q[250]="There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office."
q[251]="Everything can be filed under \'miscellaneous\'."
q[252]="Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn\'t the work he/she is supposed to be doing."
q[253]="If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it."
q[254]="You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk."
q[255]="If it wasn\'t for the last minute, nothing would get done."
q[256]="At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying."
q[257]="When you don\'t know what to do, walk fast and look worried."
q[258]="When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, \'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?\'"
q[259]="The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth."
q[260]="While you\'re waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It\'s a Spanish story about a guy named \'Manual.\'"
q[261]="As you gain experience, you\'ll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination."
q[262]="Lately the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labour."
q[263]="Intelligence has much less practical application than you\'d think."
q[264]="One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead."
q[265]="If you touch any key, our software will lock up. Call us and we\'ll blame it on Microsoft."
q[266]="Always put off dealing with time-wasting morons. If you would like to know how... I\'ll get back to you on that."
q[267]="Nature has a way of compensating for weaknesses, which is why stupid people have big mouths."
q[268]="Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool."